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this is how i do
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[08 Mar 2012|09:52pm]
just letting you know: i'm learning to write more for myself than for an audience.

livejournal, you've been a trip, but my heart is elsewhere!
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blahhhhhh [25 Nov 2011|08:38pm]
1 is it socially acceptable to lay in bed for the majority of the day?
2 do i really care if it isn't??

i'm achy and my foot is all busted up and i just want to be warm and watch movies and hug my stuffed sunfish.

i'm SLEEPY. how are YOU.
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i need a backrub [30 Sep 2011|11:27pm]

i really like that my livejournal interests still totally describe me as a person - boston terriers, coffee, history, pop'n music, rum and coke, thumbs up. and my description of myself is i'm amber. i like soft things, happy people, and futurama which also holds entirely true.

though, i'd replace rum and coke with whiskey & ____ (or gin & ____.) or beer. hmm.

i live in seattle again. my roommate is awesome. i start work in about two weeks. i'm fat and happy and i have a boyfriend. i read a lot and watch tv shows and drink and saunter around the city and it's great.

aight? aight.

oh, also i have too much hair. and not enough to say.
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i have waves in my bangs..? [17 Aug 2011|12:09pm]

it is surreal and bizarre to reach a point in your life where you can reflect back and mourn on so many things. mourn the changes in yourself, the losses of friends, events, and lives, of comings and goings and relationships and what could have been and what once was.

but it is equally as strange to accept these things as part of you; these experiences, however tragic or fleeting, that make you whole--even if by making you whole, they have taken away a piece of you.

acceptance and adaptation are the biggest things i've learned in these stages of Growing Up and Getting Older. if these things hadn't happened to me at the times that they did, i would not be the me that i know today.

i'm rambling. that's okay too.

i'm at such a strong point of acceptance of myself as of now and i am so ready to move on and do big and great things. i am ready to Keep Going. it's exhausting to reach a plateau, one of not going anywhere and not actively trying to improve yourself. the rest of this year needs to be about big gestures and friendships and risks and Fucking Shit Up. put these ideas of being stagnant and lazy and idle on the back-burner and just fucking floor it. floor it and be reckless and learn things. muss up my hair, crawl out of bed early, live life and do it big.

ain't nothing stopping me, you know?
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preface: this is boring [03 Jul 2011|09:08pm]

i'm tired and i didn't update in june, whatev.

i'm working two jobs and it keeps me really busy.. doing the normal 9-to-5 stuff, plus now i'm moonlighting as a server at a fancy movie theater. it's nice in that it keeps me busy and interacting with people, plus extra money, but you know, exhausting.

i'm a little drunk writing this, when else could i justify doing it?

(and very tired, i just worked 10:30-8. bank tips though..)

things have been interesting and so disinteresting and so normal and regular and not.

i'm traveling again soon! for two weeks! next sunday through ... two weeks. sea > phx > sea > cmh > ord > msp > sea. that'll be exciting.

i miss things and people and college days but you can't be nostalgic forever.
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[31 May 2011|06:54pm]
no picture, no subject,

but i'm still here. just meeting my quota.
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blub [30 Apr 2011|11:18pm]

flflfffff. im a big poser. my lenses from my sunglasses fell out and out of spite im wearing the frames still. whatEV.

im living in bellevue now with my old friend gapp and his wife and their three cats. that's been pretty good, ok? steve is wonderful and his wife michele is super sweet. also everything smells like cats, but there are cats so i dont care.

i played portal 2 and now i just want to play all kinds of video games. also i bought a kindle so i've been reading a lot. and i'm doing hot yoga again, which makes me feel simultaneously so empowered and so defeated (some days are hard, ok?) neat things i guess.

sometimes i feel like an expendable disposable friend. being forgotten about or whatever. i think this is what comes with the territory post-college and post-moving and current-career life.

birthday in a week. 23 will be an awesome year because i say so. every year is an awesome year, life is great, things in general are so wonderful and i am so blessed.

this is a lame update.
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through and through [28 Mar 2011|12:45pm]

yes, a shameless picture, but deal with it.

i don't have much to write; i'm homesick right now- i miss my friends and my mom. i haven't been home this month of March (i get to go home on the 1st!!) i have ridiculous dark circles under my eyes, my head is constantly swimming in a fog of sleep depravity and i can't wait to get settled in my new home just to be settled for a while. i am ready for a consistent predictable routine for a while.

i do have stories to tell--mardi gras, two weeks of flying every day, tattoos, beautiful cities, travels and people and friends--just, some other time!
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pip pap [28 Feb 2011|05:49pm]

i'm tired and i don't want to post this but it's the Last Day of February (already!!) and it's an obligation. i'm in long branch new jersey, it's cold and rainy and i'm kind of sick. i'm running again (yay) but i'm not eating well enough and (still) drinking (too) much.

it's bittersweet to be back on the road after a week off -- i really do like my job, i'm with a presenter who i adore, and it's an awesomely easy week with a lead in to going to new orleans on friday for the weekend. eeeek. but home is home is home.

listening to a lot of jay-z lately, why is he so good?

recently painted my nails for the first time in forever and i kind of like it.

i'm wearing bright pink and it's strangely okay.

i want it to be summertime and i want to lay in the sun, sprawl in the grass, tank tops and sunglasses and ripe peaches and morning champagne and i want all the lola/paige/tasha/jacqui kisses.

i'm never ever going to grow up, ok?
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the drunk tank [30 Nov 2010|07:11pm]

i'm good. had a great thanksgivingthanksvegan!! also i spent some time with my mom, cooking soup, running errands, eating sandwiches, watching movies, talking'n'chatting, belligerent drinking, purchasing and reading books. this month i've spent some time hanging out with cool folks in different cities, you know, whatever.

i'm really not enjoying writing this entry .... hmm ....

i have big christmas and new years and upcoming month plans and i'm chipper as can be.

i'm sorry that this post has no substance (but i'm not really sorry.)

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a small tribute to an old friend [03 Nov 2010|04:47pm]

you were an old wonderful gigantic monster of a cat from the most humble of beginnings.
i hope good treats and sunbeams and the greenest of grasses await you out there.
love you big guy, thanks for letting me tag along with you the past 11 years.

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caffeine buzz z zz z [01 Nov 2010|02:00pm]

man i can't believe i missed updating in october. whatever, i blame work + halloween + travel. the usual suspects.

i was a red mage!!! i was going to be little red riding hood but then i made a cardboard sword and voila, red mage. i'm a big nerd and that's okay.

i'm all in the swing of working now. updating from my registration table post here in syracuse, ny. going to long island in a few hours, blahblabhal. san francisco this weekend, three day weekend back home next weekend.

what else ... i was THREATENED with a subpoena!!! oops i never responded to the king county prosecutors office; they tried to contact me about this taser thing i witnessed last year and i just didn't get around to it. so i had a ridiculous voicemail on, "ok, we want to do this informally, but we WILL subpoena you if you don't respond." so i'm meeting up with them next week to talk... so weird. i'm too busy for this kind of stuff!

trying to plan cool weekend stay overs in the upcoming months. where should i go?

things are good. i'm getting comfortable wearing blazers and high heels, i have so many papercuts on all of my fingers and i'm living on a diet of coffee and salad. ufghh.

anyway. yknow.
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fingers in the air [30 Sep 2010|03:35pm]

i have absolutely no recollection of this picture being taken. kind of a reflection of the tail end days of my summer, booze (whiskey! whiskey! whiskey! it will be the end of me!) and friends and [some] memories. lola's back, paige is off to europe, claire, harry, and remi are other staples in my life.

i'm getting sick. my throat is itchy and painful, my insides are all twisted, and i just want to sleep sleep sleep. my mom and i are going to canada sunday, and i'm just hanging around until i start work (the 12th.) i need to keep busy but i'm not..

i don't know what to write here. lj is kind of like my dreaded monthly homework. my brain is mush and i don't want to write and i don't know what to write. i'm mostly happy and things are mostly good and i'm just going to leave it at that.
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i have been awake for seventeen hours, f'real? early mornings and world cup, i suppose [12 Jul 2010|12:13am]
i wish i were better at being a good person. i know i am awkward, i am bumbling, i trip over my words and sometimes i just don't say anything at all. lately i have been nitpicking myself and the world around me and i find myself at an absolute loss as to where i actually fit in these days. i'm just coming to terms with different things, changes, losses, growing up. i need to buckle down and be responsible for a while now, it's just hard to figure out where to start when i still feel like i'm sixteen.

i know i'm rambling. again, i know i am awkward.

i mean i know, maybe i am a good person. sometimes i just don't feel all that good and i don't have the first idea of how to perk myself up.

okay, okay, i am okay.
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my ears have been crackling a l l l l day [30 Jun 2010|11:59pm]

i don't even want to update but i feel obligated to! there are not even five minutes left in this month and i'm trying to keep this idea up of updating once a month. so i'll type until 11:59. deal.

i'm in chicago right now with kevin and his family; they rented a condo for the week. it's on the 37th floor with a beautiful view of grant park and the skyline and the water. i've kind of been living all over this month; was in chicago until the 5th, seattle until the 15th, columbus until the 29th, and now i'm here again. ha.

kind of ready to get back to seattle though and work for a while. apply for jobs, see people, not be so fat and drink so much.

okay it's 11:59. i wrote for a few minutes. back to beer and south park. ha!
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here is my may post [26 May 2010|10:49pm]

ok i look lumpy in this picture but whatever.

i'm 22 now, graduating in 3 weeks. gonna stay in chicago until end of june. seattle the 5th to the 15th, for my last ever finals plus graduation you know. right now, covered in cats and life and whatever. i need to find a job! i have an ear infection that won't go away after $100 in antibiotics and a 10 minute checkup (so what do i even do now? get more antibiotics?... whatever...) going to columbus tomorrow. boddy and i have been together for a year as of next month (!? when did that happen?)

things things things! i lack the kind of attention needed for livejournal anymore... i guess i'm just a twitter girl now. oops.
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life and cats [13 Apr 2010|11:45pm]

yea man.
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this post brought to you by the letter c [28 Mar 2010|06:51pm]

first and foremost, seattle threw me a great going away party. ugghhhh. melted my heart. seriously, i love my friends and my life there and am kind of anxious to get back to it (though i am excited to be where i am now, no doubt)

spring break was nice; spent time in columbus, cleveland, chicago. lots of driving and eating great food. mostly being a guy: drinking beer, watching basketball, playing video games. y'know.

settling into chicago right now. roommates are cute and clean and there are lots of cats. it's awful cold here right now, but it's almost springtime anyway.

i'm kind of in love and happy about that. going to have a lot more free time here than i'm used to, so here's to long days of running, reading, writing, adventuring and discoveries
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yes [10 Feb 2010|10:41pm]
dear february,

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hearts [18 Jan 2010|05:38pm]
Your heart is like a great river after a long spell of rain, spilling over its banks. All signposts that once stood on the ground are gone, inundated and carried away by that rush of water. And still the rain beats down on the surface of the river. Every time you see a flood like that on the news you tell yourself: That’s it. That’s my heart.
life feels very big and very small. i feel very big and small. i'm traveling a lot lately, excited and nervous about what this year will bring. i don't know how long it's been since i've felt this anxious. i have so many goals, aspirations, dreams, hopes -- and this year is definitely going to be filled, filled, filled with changes.

my brains, your brains, our crossing, weaving, changing paths. these things are beautiful. i'm grateful for the opportunities i have been given, the people i knew and know, my family, my life, the sunshine and the rain. things aren't always perfect, but i'm happy with how things are shaping up. it isn't about expecting the best or predicting the worst, but reacting well to what you're given and seeking out bigger, better changes. i never want to lose this outlook, you know? got one life, make it matter.

i'm hopeful. i'm scared. i'm mostly happy.

it's been a while since i've written anything of substance in this journal. does this even qualify as substance? who knows. it feels good to write, anyway.
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